last entry.

10 years ago.

"For god so loved the world, he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" -John 3:16

Dear Grandpa,

I know i haven't talked to you much..and lately ive been horrible at letting you know whats been going on. so let me start off by saying sorry and that i miss you terribly. So much has happened these past few years. My mommy finally got the courage to leave my father. I remember you always used to tell me he was no good and that the only thing good that came out of their marraige was me and my sister. I never understood why you felt that way towards him grandpa, till he started to hurt me too. You always used to tell my mommy, but she wouldnt listen..and i know it broke your heart to see my mommy cry..but all you wanted was for her to be happy. I know youre happy for her now..i remember you told me so that one night a few weeks before her wedding. I told my mommy what you said, i even told tita bobbie, tita zenny, and even tita melda. I dont think they believed me though. I really wish you could meet my new dad. Hes a good guy and he makes my mommy happy..and isnt that all you ever wanted for her?

And oh my gosh..i wishh you could of met alex. Hes a good guy. He respects me, he treats me well, hes understanding, and he makes me happy. We've been together for almost 6 years. Im sure you'll love him. And most importantly..i wish you could meet Alyssa. She's almost 4 years old now. Grandma says shes just like me when i was little. If thats the case, you would adore her. When i see her with alex's dad i remember all those times we used to play when i was younger.

Do you remember when we used to go grocery shopping? We would put pistacios in our pockets and walk around the store and wthrowing the shells as we walk down the isles? To this day i cant help but tell that story everytime i see pistacios. Im pretty sure i've told my friends that story 6 million times, and im sure they're tired of hearing it,  but they let me tell them with no interuptions cause they know thats one of the fondest memories i have with you.

I'll look back, smile at all the memories we have and realize that all we have now is only memories. It's not fair because there were things that you still needed to see and be a part of. But i guess thats how it goes, and god decided that it was your time and you needed to be with him. I wont lie..i was mad at god for a little bit..how could he take someone so important to me just like that? but thats life. To be honest..to this day..im still hesitant to let myself get close to people because i dont want to have to go through that pain of loosing someone again.

I finally had my closure..i know your in a better place now. We miss you and love you grandpa and continue to watch over us.

Forever rest in peace.

"ipag lalaban namin ito para sayo"

sister

so. as you all know...i have a baby sister.

i looove her. but sometimes shes a fcukin retard.

i know your reading this nell.

LOOOOVE YOU!

fob lover.

For the new year.

For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. ~ T.S. Eliot

The last time i updated was thanksgiving. and i might i add..it was a good thanksgiving.

nothing much really new to be honest with you. Em's bday past finally 21. and then it was my bday. big whoop. i am no longer a teenager. What did i end up doing for my bday? It was an enjoyable dinner with my lovers. I'm not gonna explain word by word how it went and brag about how many presents i got or how wasted i was. its kind of lame. but you guys already know i do.

Christmas this year was by far my favorite. I got all my xmas shopping done early which i never do. and might i add i was very generous with the gifts this year. I guess i got that christmas cheer or some shit. from 23-25 nonstop celebration. spent the 23rd with my looovers. It was cute. we got a telly decorated got fat and exchanged presents. they've become my family away from home. corny as fcuk right but its true. the 24th was spent with my moms side which is rare. i was skeptic at first. i thought it was gonna suck. but it made me realize i need that quality time with my cousins. we hardly see each other and everytime we doo..oh man. ahahha. and yes nell. i swear we missed you! every hour! ahahaha. it was a bit of a downer tho knowing you werent there. but HAA! you were in spirit. 25th was spent on his side. A pretty chill day..but i wasnt complaining cause i was still dummy ass tired from two nights before.

I didnt get too many presents. but alot of sentimentals. I guess when you get older receiving presents isnt as fun as it used to be. well ahah sikee maybe just a lil bit. But i felt better giving rather than to recieve. poor poor wallet though. it suffered severely.

okay okaaayy almost done. its almost the new year. and its time for new years resolutions.

>>To be healthy and loose weight. eat right. excercise daily.and cut back on junk. not all at one time cause thats too drastic. slowly BUT surely.

>>save money. have a grand at all times. hopefully. LOL. and invest my money in more important things rather than material things.

>>get back into the swing of schoool. not for me..but for alyssa.

>>practice kindness. i can be so meann. its ridiculous.

>>lastly..to at least follow through with at least one of these resolutions. shiiiit.

2006 was greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat without a doubt. but. 2007 will be even better.

happy new year bitches!

to give thanks.

"Make it a habbit to tell people Thank You,

To express your appreciation,

sincerely and without expecting anything in return.

Truly appreciate those around you,

and you'll soon find many others around you.

Truly appreciate life, and you'll find yourself with more of it."

-Ralph Martson

i find myself blessed. I'm surrounded by people who genuinely care for me and love me. and i can honestly say that now, I'm truly happy.

So this thanksgiving..i want to thank all my friends..my closest folks..who have become my family...yes we get on each others nerves (dont lie you know we do) but i value each and everyones friendships because with you guys im not pretending. so yes...i love you sons of bitches.

My family..where no matter what "they've got my back like a chiropractor." It's that unconditional love and support.

Hubbie my everything. words cant even express. I cant even begin to imagine how my life would be like if you weren't in it. You put up with me..you teach me. importantly you loove me. awww so very corny.

my lifee..alyssa jenae. your a thorne in my ass. YOU make me want to be a better person. a better person because what i do will affect YOU. and i would kill myself if i let anything bad happen to you. you are my light.

and those who just happened to walk into my life and right back out. you've made a difference. big or small. I was taught that people who you come across in life will teach you something and it will benifit you in the long run.

so its almost the new year..and i've been "motivated" to change somethings within myself. The smaller habbits. the little things. And set new goals for myself..to make myself and my family happy. and importanly to make my mommy proud. And with that I'd like to thank my baby sister.

Love you nell.

happy thanksgiving fcuk faces.